I get so down on myself because I see Juan, and all he has to do is only eat a sandwich a day for a month and he's lost 30lbs. I mean, A) That's not healthy, B) I love food and I get hungry even talking about food so that would never work and C) I'm jealous. I am so jealous that that's all he has to do. For me, I have to wake up at 4am, get ready for work, have a meal replacement shake, work till 3, get home at 5, have another shake, workout for 2 hours, and then get home just to come to bed. So basically, for me to lose weight, I have to not have a life. Now, I feel like I'm being a big whiner right now, maybe I am, but at the same time, I like working out now so I don't mind doing this, but when I have no friends left because I can never hang out because I'm at the gym, then I'm going to care.
This whole wedding thing has me down too - you know, you look at stylemepretty. com all day long and you never really see brides that are overweight. I don't want to be an overweight bride. My biggest fear is walking down that aisle with all the eyes on me, knowing that I've been on a strict diet and workout regiment for the past year, and then BAM, I'm still rocking my size 18 dress. It's not all about appearances, I know, it's about marrying my best friend, but at the same time, I can't help but think in the back of my head, ugh, I'm the biggest one here.
My guilty pleasure is reality TV and my guiltiest pleasure is probably all the different Real Housewives shows. On RHONJ, Lauren Manzo, has a difficult time losing weight. She's always talking about the same things I talk about, she doesn't want to be bigger and her brothers can eat anything in the world and still be skinny... well, I used to feel for her, and I was like, just work out and stick with it - you will find it will work for you... Well instead of that, I guess she got the lapband surgery. And she looks great now. I am so jealous, but at the same time pissed. Just like all these celebrities, they have the time and money to either work out with a personal trainer 9 hours a day to stay skinny or have a surgery like that. I'm jealous in that I don't have that time or money, but I'm also kind of pissed that someone I could relate to on TV just took the easy way out. You should be in the gym Lauren, you could have done it. I eat a lot and love food too.... Anyways, yeah, annoying....
Honestly, I don't know what the point of this blog today even was? TO bitch and complain about the fact that I hate that I'm overweight? And that it's taking a long time to drop it? I guess... But I can tell you one thing, I think the thing that has been getting me to get up and go to classes everyday to workout has been the people over at RTB, they really are great, they are motivating, and they really like doing what they do, and it makes me like what I do... Also, I'm strong. Under all these rolls, I actually have some big muscles under there... and going to class and feeling like I'm really kicking some ass, makes me feel good. I know I just need to keep telling myself that it will take time, and I will get there eventually, I'm impatient, and I want to be skinny tomorrow. By December, I want to be a size 12/14 so when I'm trying on dresses, they aren't like, well, there really aren't a lot for you to try on because you are HUGE. I will be skinny. One day.
Anyways, life is what you make of it, and just be happy... you will get there.. (Yeah, I'm really talking to myself)
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