Oh Jessica Simpson.

Ahhh so this morning I have a lot of things on my mind. First is this magazine article I read about Jessica Simpson just before I started writing. The cover reads as follows......

"Bullied for my weight, my diet struggle". Ok so that got my attention. I have mixed feelings towards Jessica Simpson anyways but here's what I really think...... You signed a 4 million dollar contact with weight watchers and you needed an excuse to explain why you didn't lose the weight as fast as j-HUD. Honestly yeah it might sound bitchy of me to say but it's what I think. Here's the other F'ed up thing..... The article talks about how she was constantly criticized for being fat.... Do you know what size she was at the time of these statements?!? A SIZE 4. A FREAKING SIZE FOUR ARE YOU KIDDING ME. If I'm a size 16 I must be a god damn whale! Shut the front door. Size 4. Anyways. She was making comments at the time like "what do you want from me I'm not a super model" well honey you're only 2 sizes off, where I have about 18 sizes to go. Really you are being called big for being a size 4, something is wrong with society then because that's messed up. Anyways. She gained the weight that she's currently taking off from when she was preggers. Here's the other thing, she admitted to over indulging during that time. To me that's a cop out. She knew she was going to have this WW deal once she had the baby so she thought hey, why not have ribs. She would have never gained all that weight if she would have just ate healthy while she was pregs. It's your ow fault honey. If you know you are prone to gain weight and be "criticized" why would you do that to yourself. AND ON TOP OF THAT I think weight watchers is a big piece of shit because gaining weight from having a baby and losing those pounds is way different then just being bigger like JHud and wanting to make a life change. Sorry but I think that's kind is bullshit. Anyways. Wow for some reason I'm angry. She's losing the weight because she's being paid to do so, being paid to be a size 2. And the complaining that people are "making fun of her" well sweetheart stop eating ribs and French fries and basically tubs of lard just because you can because your pregnant, and then shut up!

Sure it might seem like I'm bullying her or making fun of her too but I'm bothered. I think it's a cop out. She's getting paid to drop baby weight and being paid to write a story about being bullied when its much harder for real people to lose weight and real people get bullied in real life on the reg for being overweight but do they write articles about them? No. Deal with it Simpson. I'm sure you wipe your ass with dollar bills from all the money you make from your awesome hand bags but I don't want to hear about your million dollar weight struggles. Try losing weight with no money behind it where you actually have to PAY SOMEONE to help you and then write an article.

Anyways. I wanted to talk about other stuff today but this clearly took me on a tangent haha.

For now. Im drinking my protein shake wishing I had some ribs, and dreaming of the days when someone can pay me to be a real motivator instead of these stars. I haven't seen My favorite actress in the whole entire world, Melissa McCarthy come out with any articles about her weight except for ones where she embraces it. By the way I love the shit out of her. I'm trying so hard to figure out how to be as hilarious as she is haha so I can be in the bridesmaids sequel. I wonder if Juan will move to Hollywood so i can peruse my dream of being in some movies?!?! Hahahha.

Ok well that's it for now.

How do the celebs do it?

I often ask myself, so, if it's so hard for me to get skinny, why can celebrities do it so fast? Then I think about it for a second... and I realize, that, well no shit, they are RICH. And they have nothing TO DO ALL DAY! So naturally, what would YOU do if you were RICH and had NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY?? AHhhhh yes... the secret to all our diet problems.. work out ALL DAY and have a personal healthy chef cook all our meals... IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE.

Right, so instead of Weight Watchers, or Nutraslim, why isn't there the CelebSlim plan? Where you basically get a ridiculous amount of money, quit your job for 6 months, and drop weight! I would totally sign up for that plan. Let's face it, it's not fair. Yet another reason why celebs suck. Everything is always easier for them. Hmmph. I don't think my job would like it much if I said, hey, I can't work for the next 4 weeks because I need to workout 10 hours a day and have every meal prepped for me. Don't think that's going to fly.

Sure, I could have such an amazing transformation like J-Hud if I had the access to the funds, personal trainers and chefs that she does, but that will never happen (unless I win the lotto, my fingers are always crossed).

I did a little before and after of myself too, and I would totally look like a hot model too if I could workout like that. I'm pretty sure I would look exactly like Joanna Krupp.



So why can't it be that easy? I was reading up on some of the "celeb diets" and this is what I learned.

1) Some celebs have had complexes since they were 9 and put themselves on weight watchers and never got off it. Well shit, at 9, I didn't love my body, but McDonalds was my favorite restaurant, and let's face it, I wanted to be a kid.

2) Olivia Munn does kickboxing like 4 times a day... I can do it once a day, so I guess times how many months it takes me to drop 10 pounds by 4 and I can get that skinny, THAT FAST! Just so simple.

3) SOME celebs have to bulk UP and gain weight, oh what I would give to be one of those... Gwyneth Paltrow ate fried chicken for like a month just to gain weight for Country Strong... well, I wouldn't have a problem doing that, and in fact, fried chicken sounds good right about now... mmmmm with some mashed potatoes... mmmmm... yeah ok, on to the next one before I run to the closest KFC and stuff my face.

4) Elizabeth Hurley starves herself! She eats one meal a day.... well, no shit, you get skinny like that, right off the bat, but girllllll even I know that starving yourself isn't good. Right now I'm on a 1200 calorie diet, and even though it's enough food, if I eat ANY LESS then that, my body goes into starvation mode, and it's not good for you. A healthy weight loss, to lose the weight and keep it off is 1 - 1 1/2 pounds a week. The diets that say, YOU CAN LOSE 30 POUNDS IN 30 DAYS!!! NO freaking way... and if you can, it's probably not the healthy way, and you should be careful.

5) CLEANSES DON'T WORK. Especially the ones where you only drink lemon juice and cayane pepper! Yeah, you will drop it, and drop it fast, but the minute you add anything back into your body, like eating a slice of bread, you will gain it all back! just don't do it. OK?!

6) THIS IS THE WAY YOU DO IT. Padma from Top Chef, she gains about 15 pounds each season from Top Chef, just from eating all the amazing foods, and I'm sure, all the travel, etc. But guess what, when the show is over, she doesn't crash diet, she adds more veggies into her meals, and more spices (the more spicy your food is, usually, the less you will eat...) and works out like a normal human being, once a day... and she drops those LBs and they stay off... DO THIS PEOPLE! haha

Ok well now that I'm done bitching about the fact that I wish I was a GAZILLIONARE so I could workout 1000 hours a day and have a chef, I hope you learned something here... we aren't GAZILLIONARE's, (not yet at least, and if one of you are, can I be your new best friend?!?!) so just eat right, workout regularly, and you will see results! BOOOOYA!

Love you guys long time for reading my horrid blog!
Andrea

Day 1: Not. Ready.

Alright, today... is Day 1. Day one of starting Weight Watchers again from being off it while on vacation, and day 1 of JILLIAN MICHAELS 30 day SHRED! I know, I know... it's not working out at the gym, but I have honestly found that if I explode out of the gates and just feel like I have to be dieting and working out full fledge at the beginning I A) Stress the F out like no other, B) always feel like shit because I go from probably an unhealthy 2200 calorie diet a day to a 1200 calorie diet a day and that makes me miserable to begin with. So working out at home, shreding for 20 minutes a day is a good way to start out this marathon... you're right, this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. That's also why I think it's ok to start out slow and ease into it. It's not like I'm going to drop 100lbs over night people! Who do I look like?!?! But if I can do it in a year, then I can start by focusing on my diet first, then move into the heavy workouts! (ps. my amazing Sittoo, loving and caring as she is, doesn't think I can drop 80lbs by my wedding, psssshhhh, I'm going to prove her wrong!).

So of course, in prior tradition of starting an awesome diet, I clearly went out this weekend and ate my face off. Friday night started with dinner and dessert at Texas de Brazil (ALL THE MEAT YOU CAN EAT) - but that was mainly because we go there once a year for my birthday because we are cheap and get the "one dinner free for your birthday" coupon. Shit, at $48 a pop, any money you can NOT spend at that place, the better. Dinner alone WITH a free meal was $150 and we only had 1 glass of wine each, coffee, cappuccino, and dessert. I mean come on! Anyways, for those who don't even know what TDB is, it's only the most AMAZING place for meat eaters in the world. It's Fogo de Chao, minus a few celebs, and a few hundred dollars for dinner. It's awesome, but its HORRIBLE for you. The meat is def loaded with oils and salts, and the sides, even though there are salads and sushi's, I go for the potatoes au gratin and rice. Clearly, not the best option for a healthy meal!

Damn, this makes me hungry looking at it again. ugh. 

Then, clearly, Saturday was dinner at Gordon Biersch, which again, not super healthy, but not the end of the world. But to top it all off, was Sunday and mine and Joanna's decision to go to Outback for a late lunch and beers. Welp, I clearly ate too much and felt like shit afterwords, but omg was it worth it. From now on, NO MORE SHITTY FOOD. No more french fries, no more ranch dressing, I gotta fit into a hot dress, and I'm not going to accomplish that going out outback and getting cheese fries! haha

(super ashamed to show this photo, but I've gotta be honest)

Now that this weekend is over and I'm sitting at my desk, I just keep thinking about how happy and skinny I will be when this is all over, and it makes me realize that I can do this. WOOHOOO. 

Happy day 1 - See ya later double chins!!!!! 

Tata for now, 

Andrea

It all starts now.... My life as we know it, is about to end.

So.... it's time. It's time to just freaking man up and get on this sone of a bitch diet. I have always been the type of girl who is like, oh I love myself, no matter how big I am ---- I mean on a serious note, it really isn't what you look like that makes you an amazing person, it's the inside... and I KNOW I have an awesome personality (duh.) but now it's time for a change...

I was in my best friends wedding this weekend, something I have done many times before, but this one was different... I was instantly surrounded by amazingly skinny, gorgeous girls, and I DEF stood out. I was over it... I don't want to stand out anymore... I mean I couldn't even fit in a cute dress... THEN, we stopped by NYC on Sunday on our way home to visit Val for a hot minute, and of course we watched her wedding video, and BAM, there I was, jumping around (having a good time of course) but my freaking fat ass was bobbing up and down, up and down... ugh, talk about watching something that makes you want to start a coke habit to lose weight.... hahaha... These two events really pushed me over the edge... like I said, it's not that I'm unhappy, I just think I would be happier if I felt better about how I looked!!

I've tried everything in the past, from Atkins, to Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem (wicked expensive), Diet-to-Go, Southbeach, Alli, Hydroxycut (man did that turn me into a freaking nutcase)... you name it, I've tried it... and did it work? FUCK NO. I'm still fat. So this time, I'm taking it slow... I really get discouraged when I look in the mirror and don't see a change... but I need to remember, it takes TIME, and in the past I never wanted to give it time, I wanted to be skinny overnight. This time, I am going slow, eating right, working out, and blogging about it. Because I need someone to vent to, and I know Juan hates it when I bitch and complain hahaha...

I decided last night that today was the day. And just like every other time I decided that "tomorrow's the day", I had my last meal.... hahahaha - or I mean last feast. Juan knew exactly where to take me... my favorite resturant for a nice fattening meal... OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE! What did I eat do you ask? 

Well, let me just go ahead and show you.... It was a seriously awesome meal...  

First, the awesome bread, with butter of course.... thennnnn Coconut Shrimp with salt, THEN, salad with ranch dressing (that i apparently didn't get a pic of) and for the main course, a 9oz sirloin with their aussie cheese fries (cheese and bacon on top of them with ranch for dipping sauce) and then top it all off with a cinnamon oblivion for desert! AHHH it was amazing..... and writing this post makes me want all of this food again... damn IT!   

The meal was amazing, but I knew, come 7am on Tuesday morning, this food would be food I wouldn't be eating till I got to at least 170 pounds... then I will have a celebratory meal, but for now, bye bye fattening food! 

Did I mention I am also cutting back on the booze?? I know, ME?!?!? cut back on the booze? Ahhhh... it sucks, but I have to do it.. but you know what that means? I'll be a cheap date when all is said and done here in a year hahaha! :) 

So today... I woke up, had my awesome bowl of Cheerio's, headed off to an hour long spin class at Balans Studio, came home, ate my wicked awesome breakfast sandwich and had a cup of coffee and I'm already dying.... I'm def in super bitch mode, so just in case I seem bitchy to anyone of you today, that's why :) BLAH, this is going to suck, but hopefully, it will pay off........... 

TA-TA FOR NOW! 

Andrea....

• Tuesday, Sept 6th -
• Bowl of Cheerios with 1% milk
• Turkey, Cheese, Egg sandwhich on a Weight Watchers Muffin
• Cup of Coffee
• 1 hour of spin class

I go from being able to have all the above, to having this sandwhich and this list of things to eat below! FML.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE AWESOME FOR THIS DIET?!?! IF MY FUCKING ROOMMATE DIDN'T COOK FOOD THAT SMELT SO GOD DAMN DELICIOUS! DAY ONE SUCKS