Oh Jessica Simpson.

Ahhh so this morning I have a lot of things on my mind. First is this magazine article I read about Jessica Simpson just before I started writing. The cover reads as follows......

"Bullied for my weight, my diet struggle". Ok so that got my attention. I have mixed feelings towards Jessica Simpson anyways but here's what I really think...... You signed a 4 million dollar contact with weight watchers and you needed an excuse to explain why you didn't lose the weight as fast as j-HUD. Honestly yeah it might sound bitchy of me to say but it's what I think. Here's the other F'ed up thing..... The article talks about how she was constantly criticized for being fat.... Do you know what size she was at the time of these statements?!? A SIZE 4. A FREAKING SIZE FOUR ARE YOU KIDDING ME. If I'm a size 16 I must be a god damn whale! Shut the front door. Size 4. Anyways. She was making comments at the time like "what do you want from me I'm not a super model" well honey you're only 2 sizes off, where I have about 18 sizes to go. Really you are being called big for being a size 4, something is wrong with society then because that's messed up. Anyways. She gained the weight that she's currently taking off from when she was preggers. Here's the other thing, she admitted to over indulging during that time. To me that's a cop out. She knew she was going to have this WW deal once she had the baby so she thought hey, why not have ribs. She would have never gained all that weight if she would have just ate healthy while she was pregs. It's your ow fault honey. If you know you are prone to gain weight and be "criticized" why would you do that to yourself. AND ON TOP OF THAT I think weight watchers is a big piece of shit because gaining weight from having a baby and losing those pounds is way different then just being bigger like JHud and wanting to make a life change. Sorry but I think that's kind is bullshit. Anyways. Wow for some reason I'm angry. She's losing the weight because she's being paid to do so, being paid to be a size 2. And the complaining that people are "making fun of her" well sweetheart stop eating ribs and French fries and basically tubs of lard just because you can because your pregnant, and then shut up!

Sure it might seem like I'm bullying her or making fun of her too but I'm bothered. I think it's a cop out. She's getting paid to drop baby weight and being paid to write a story about being bullied when its much harder for real people to lose weight and real people get bullied in real life on the reg for being overweight but do they write articles about them? No. Deal with it Simpson. I'm sure you wipe your ass with dollar bills from all the money you make from your awesome hand bags but I don't want to hear about your million dollar weight struggles. Try losing weight with no money behind it where you actually have to PAY SOMEONE to help you and then write an article.

Anyways. I wanted to talk about other stuff today but this clearly took me on a tangent haha.

For now. Im drinking my protein shake wishing I had some ribs, and dreaming of the days when someone can pay me to be a real motivator instead of these stars. I haven't seen My favorite actress in the whole entire world, Melissa McCarthy come out with any articles about her weight except for ones where she embraces it. By the way I love the shit out of her. I'm trying so hard to figure out how to be as hilarious as she is haha so I can be in the bridesmaids sequel. I wonder if Juan will move to Hollywood so i can peruse my dream of being in some movies?!?! Hahahha.

Ok well that's it for now.

F-THIS. I want to give up.

What a FREAKING week it has been. I don't know why, but man, this has just been the week from hell. Do you ever have those? I mean honestly, I have them a lot.. but this week was just blah.

So. Yes. F-THIS. I want to give up... that's what I'm thinking and that's what I was thinking allllllll ALLLLLLLL night last night. Let me tell you why...

Losing weight is HARD. It's like, let's completely change your whole lifestyle overnight so drastically that sometimes you just can't fucking handle it. And then of COURSE you just want to see results and when you don't see results you are like WTF?!?!? Why am I doing all this shit and not seeing any GD results??!?!?! Yeah, of course, these changes are for the better and you feel better, and you have more energy, and you are starting to get healthier, but at the same time you feel like if you ever "cheat" by eating something non-healthy, or if you miss a workout, all the work you have done is going to just disappear. I think like that all the time. So of course, these past 13 weeks I have been like, you can't miss a workout, you can't eat shitty, you can't do these things because the minute you do that, you will revert everything you have worked for. Of course I think all these negative things. Of course I just can't see the positive from all of this stuff, of COURSE all I want to do is eat a hamburger... but that's where it clicked.

Last night, after not working out yesterday, and thinking about not being able to workout today, I was thinking to myself, this is IT. I'm done. Why am I doing all of this stuff, why am I trying to better myself? It's hard, and I don't like the challenge and I want to eat whatever I want, drink whatever I want, get my life back instead of working out...... And of course, what do I do? We order a cheese burger from Gordon Biersch and a chicken sandwich (split it of course) and as I'm eating this, I'm like wow, I feel like shit. This does NOT taste good... What am I doing to myself. (I love Juan for not judging me for eating a cheeseburger by the way, he knows how hard this is for me and he pushes but yet isn't rude and mean about it and it's great). Anyways... after we eat that, we go to the Gap, I wanted to see what they had in season for the winter and I needed a new hat haha. Well, as we are there and I'm trying things on, I'm like wow, wait, hold the PHONE, am I really REALLY REALLLLLLLY actually fitting into these clothes that are HERE IN THE STORE ACTUALLY ON THE RACK?!?! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING??? Yeah, of course, I know I've been dropping sizes and inches, but for the FIRST TIME in a REALLY long time, I felt really good. I didn't have to say, oh that shirt is really nice, what's the style number because I have to go online and fucking order it in an XXL because I'm fat and can't fit into it... same with dresses or pants... but nope, not this time, I was able to walk out of the store with a WHOLE outfit without having to order ANYTHING online. AHHHH I FELT SO GOOD. And I realized, this is what it's all about.

It's those moments, where you are feeling weak, and for me, I eat my feelings, but those are the times you have to sit back and really look at how far you have come and keep telling yourself over and over again that this isn't a sprint... it's NOT. It takes time, and as discouraged as you feel, you are better then where you were yesterday. Yesterday I was a size 18 and XXL for tops, today I'm a size 14-16 and a L or XL for tops... yeah, it might not seem a lot to most people, but for me that's huge. This whole thing is huge. IT'S HARD, it's discouraging, it's miserable.... but I HAVE to keep with it, HAVE HAVE HAVE... there is no giving up. This will take time, this will take effort and there's no more feeling sorry for myself...

Monday is the start of another week, and although I can't control if I have to stay late at work, I can control my schedule to make SURE I am at boot camp in the morning, eating healthy, and staying positive. I CAN DO IT. From THICK TO THIN BABY.

Ok anyways, I feel like if I proof-read this post it's not going to make any sense, so I'm sorry for that, but hopefully you get my point today. I'm not giving up, no matter how much I want to, I'm not.

And by the way, eating like shit makes me feel like shit now. And I LOVE IT. I never want to go back to the way I used to eat... Eat Clean, TRAIN DIRTY.

Happy Friday. Enjoy the weekend and let me leave you on this note,

I feel skinny today.

Ugh I did NOT want to get up and a) workout this morning or b) go to work. I still stick to my original statement that ill vote this Tuesday for the president who is going to give us 3 day weekends haha.

I've been having the problem of eating amazing during the week but then when it comes to the weekend it's like hey, lets eat carbs! This weekend we were running errands and it was freezing so obviously we went to Panera to get some soup and of course because I'm an idiot I didn't just get the soup I got it in the bread bowl and that came with the top of the bread bowl and then a side of bread! Talk about cheating. Jesus. But for some reason I just couldn't resist that bread. Ugh. And I know if Brian reads this he's going to kick my ass because he told me not to have diary or gluten, but I'm trying... I really am - I'm good during the week honestly, but then it's just so hard on the weekend - i need to be more disciplined. Im working on it I promise.... I mean COME ON ANDREA.

Anyways one more weird thing, I really hate jumping jacks. I mean really. Talk about the exercise where your shits flying all over. I mean seriously. Any they make jumping jacks so your not jumping up and down flailing your arms around while your tummy rolls shake like their in an earthquake. I mean come on! And then on top of that to see yourself in the mirror having that happen?!?! Ugh I'd rather be dead!


I feel like today is just a bunch of random thoughts from my scattered brain... and then of course, I will post something of some sort of use at the end, but for now, I'm just rambling.

So, back to the title of my post... I feel skinny today... I feel like I've got some swagger in my step today... i think mostly it's because I went to old navy this weekend and fit into clothes I never thought I could fit into... So I decided to wear them to work today, and damn do I just feel good about myself. Check me out <-----(also ignore my faces, i really hate taking pics of myself so I don't look normal and yeah, so, the weird thing is, if people from work read this, they are totally going to be like, dude that picture is from our work bathroom you are totally taking pics of yourself at work hahaha, yeah, well, it happens sorry!) Anyways, Do you know how good it feels to sometimes feel like WOW, I actually do feel like I'm not 200lbs today! Ahhhh I feel like nothing can stop me today. I feel like I'm seriously conquering this weight loss shit! Like GO ME! I'm feeling GREAT!!!

I need more outfits that make me feel good about myself! I think I've started buying things that fit better and make me feel better about myself, but shit, clothes are expensive and if I'm going to keep dropping lbs' I can't buy new clothes every time I drop a pant size. I'm going to have to figure that one out.

One more random thought for the day.....

You know when you lay down totally flat on your back and you put your hands on your sides and you feel super skinny? I want to be that thin when I'm standing up! When I do that, I just feel so little and i feel like the world is my oyster, and I totally TOTALLY take a second to dream about what I would be wearing or doing when I get thinner, and then I wake up, stand up, and realize, I was just laying down, and my size goes back to the way it was. Stupid skinny laying down!

OH the gym, omg the GYM I praise and LOVE made a commercial, and they released it today --- This is why I love it so much, I mean just watching the commercial makes you want to get your ass to the gym and get in GEAR! THIS IS WHY I WORK OUT AT RAISE THE BAR. Just look at the commercial and you will see how intense it is and how MUCH I LOVE IT! My amazing trainers are in it, some of my friends are in it - I Love it. Just watch it. And then come to a class with me! :)




Ok last thing - My most favorite thing in the world in the fall is a PSL from Starbucks, obviously... but damn, those things aren't healthy for you.... This is what Dashing Dish has to say:

Now wait one minute…Before you roll into Starbucks to enjoy one of these popular seasonal drinks, ask yourself if you really want to consume 380 calories 13 grams of fat and 49 grams of sugar in one coffee drink! Save money, (and the calories, fat and sugar) and make this ‘skinny’ version right in the comfort of your own home! I promise you will enjoy it just as much, and you can save yourself $5 bucks and a couple hundred calories! 

SO here is a better alternative from Dashing Dish:

Skinny Pumpkin Spiced Latte
Ingredients:
2 tbs Intant espresso powder (or 2 pkts Starbucks Instant Via Coffee)
1 tsp Pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
1/2 Cup pumpkin puree
1/4 cup Sugar free maple syrup, honey, or agave nectar
2 cups Vanilla almond milk or skim milk
3-5 pkts Stevia (or sweetener to taste)

Optional: 2 tbs half and half (to make it even more rich and creamy) and/or fat free whipped topping for garnish

Method  
THE ESTIMATED TOTAL TIME TO MAKE THIS RECIPE IS 5-10 MINUTES.
1 Add all of the ingredients to a small sauce pan, stir to combine everything, and heat over medium heat, for about 1-3 minutes, or until very hot, (but be careful not to bring to a boil.)

2 Remove from heat and add to a blender to get milk nice and frothy! Blend on high until the milk begins to form small bubbles, about 1-2 minutes.

3 Divide the mixture between two mugs (or save half for later in the fridge). Add a splash of half and half if desired, and/or a squirt of whipped cream, a drizzle of sugar free caramel, and a dash of cinnamon on top! Enjoy!

Nutrition Breakdown
2 Servings
71 Calories per Serving (each serving is 1 1/2 cups)
4 g Fat
13 g Carbohydrate per Serving
3 g FIber per Serving
2 g Sugar per Serving
2 g Protein per Serving

OK ENJOY, LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS!

Suck it up and Suck it In!

Happy Thursday folks! It's been a while, but man, have things changed. It's so funny to me how I have done a complete 180 since my whole workout kick began 7 weeks ago. 

First, HILARIOUS... Let me tell you, I often sit there and tell myself, SUCK IT UP ANDREA, but don't forget to suck it in. My whole ENTIRE life, I have sucked my gut in. You wouldn't believe how big I really am if I let my chub go. As I sit here writing this post, I'm letting my suck in, out, and it feels weird!!! I've just naturally sucked in for probably 20 years, that when I'm skinny enough to not have to suck in, it's going to be hilarious! Not sure why I got on this topic, but yeah... Anyways.

So, back to this whole 180 degree change thing. Before I started this whole workout/diet thing, all I ever wanted to do was go to work, come home, relax, watch TV, or hang out with friends.... now, all I want to do is GO TO THE GYM! I am pumped. The gym I go to is amazing, and the classes I take, are amazing, and even after 7 weeks, after every class, I can't move. I'm sore in places I didn't know had muscles, and its hard for me to wake up the next morning. I literally get depressed now if I don't go to the gym almost everyday. I think that's so funny. I go from party girl, Andrea, to workout girl, Andrea. As fun as it has been, it's also been a struggle. People are different towards me now, they get upset with me, they can't just be happy for me... and then there are some people, I'm not going to name names, but I'm going to vent, that mock me, tell me how great of a job I am doing, and then lie straight to my face about things.. STOP, you are so annoying. You are pissing me off. This is not a f'ing joke to me. I have NEVER been skinny, EVER, in my whole entire life, and you doing these things that you are doing, it's making me mad. It's the most annoying thing when you work so damn hard at something, and others just mock and lie. I'm not doing this to just drop a few pounds, I'm doing this so that for once in my life, when I walk in front of 300 people, I don't feel like a fat ass, I don't feel like everyone is looking at ME because I'm the fat kid in the room. I'm doing this to make sure that I'm around for a long time, when my kids are having kids, and my kids kids are having kids. So stop, don't lie to me. Stop making this a game or a joke. Because it's not for me. 

Wow, anyways, rant over... Again, Andrea... SUCK IT UP. Stop the bitching. But unfortunately, it's hard to feel good when others are making you feel angry or mad. My new gym friends are awesome. I never feel like I'm annoying them with my questions (well maybe I'm just annoying them with my facebook posts in our RtB groups, but I'm just so excited to see results and be part of this AMAZEBALLS family...), I always feel like they are pushing me to do my best, and it just makes me feel a MILLION times better. I've never been one for gyms, I always feel self conscious, I feel like the meat heads stare at the over weight chick and say, "yep, she def needs to be in here", it's just not my thing... and when I stepped out of our small group at Crank and stepped into a larger group in boot camp, I felt fine. I felt like no matter what I look like, I fit in. I even wore SLEEVELESS SHIRTS! Omg, for you that know me the closest, you know that me wearing sleeveless shirts is like UNHEARD of. hahahaha... But for real, yes, I like working out, but I think the bigger picture is that I like working out with the people I have been working out with, they make me feel good about myself, and cheer me on for trying to do what I'm doing.... I just love it... I thank them for that, they will never really truly understand how appreciative I am of all of them over there at RtB, you will be the reason that I walk down that aisle next fall looking amazing... 

So we only have 2 classes left of the 8 weeks of CRANK and I will finally find out how much I have lost over this process... Its hard to believe that 8 weeks have passed, and yeah, it might not show that I have dropped a ton but I feel amazing, and its getting me geared up for the next 8 weeks of intense bootcamp. I am happy about that. Hopefully, come December when I am trying on dresses, I will finally see all the results that I have been working so hard at trying to achieve.

OH by the way - I'm down to a L/XL top and a 14/16 bottom! Slowly but surely I am getting there.... (down from XXL and 18/20)

Alright, enough for now - but let me leave you with an awesome quote, and a recipe since I don't want you guys to listen to me bitch the whole time, I actually want you to get something out of this blog!!!!

RECIPE TIMEEEEE!!!  

I found this amazing recipe this morning on Dashing Dish - It's for Skinny, buffalo chicken bites!! I cannot WAIT to try these. 

1 cup	Chicken, cooked and shredded
1/4 cup	Hot sauce
1/2 cup	Mozzarella cheese, grated
4 oz	Fat free cream cheese, microwaved 30 seconds to soften
1/4 tsp	Garlic powder
1/4 tsp	Onion powder
24	Wonton wrappers
Optional:	Additional mozzarella cheese for topping Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Line a baking sheet pan with foil or parchment paper (for easy clean up) and spray with cooking spray.  In a small bowl, mix together the cream cheese, hot sauce, mozzarella cheese, and seasoning.  Add the shredded chicken and stir until well combined. Begin filling the wonton wrappers by placing about a tablespoon of filling in the center of each wrapper. You could use a little more or less, just try not to over-fill them, or the filling will ooze out the sides when you are baking them. To seal them shut, place your finger in the water…Then trace two of the corners with the water. Fold the wrapper in half to meet the two dry corners with the two wet corners. Press to seal the two sides together. (Note: the water acts like glue to seal the corners shut!) Continue filling until all of my wonton wrappers are filled. (Note: You may be able to fill even more than 24 wrappers depending on how much filling you use in each one!) When wonton wrappers are filled, give them a light spray with non-stick cooking spray and sprinkle with mozzarella cheese over the top of each one if desired. Lay buffalo chicken bites on prepared baking sheet. Bake in preheated oven for 10-15 minutes, or until the tops are lightly golden brown. Enjoy with hot sauce, or light greek yogurt mixed with dry ranch seasoning!

I'm Engaged - AKA time to get SURRRIOUS!!!!!

Alright friends... as all of you know, a big event happened in my life a few weeks ago... Juan popped the question and we are now engaged!! YAYYYYYY... yay... so happy - so super happy for a number of reasons... 1) Because I get to marry my best friend 2) because I finally get to plan the wedding I've been planning on pinterest for years 3) did I mention I get to marry my best friend? 4) all the other sappy things that go along with the commitment of putting a ring on it... but you know the WORST thing about getting engaged??? I finally have to get my ass in gear, get serious, and finally put fruit back on the major food groups pyramid and take pizza OFF! BOOOOOO!

Let's face it. I have one seriously hot bridal party... and I don't want be the fat bride around all my super hot bridesmaids... I don't want to look like this: (where my arms are ummmmm 5 times the size of Jo's). hahaha

I want to look skinny and beautiful like THIS:

So MONDAY, (notice how I didn't say today) starts my journey to honestly, no excuses, being skinny. Can I just tell you, I have no excuses. I have 2 gym memberships, I just bought a living social for 40$ for a month of classes at LA Boxing, AND I have a wonderful trainer friend that is starting her bootcamp that she wants me to take... really, there are no excuses. 

But till Monday, I am going to enjoy myself and my pizza, and my fatty foods because not only am I going to commit myself to Juan for the rest of my life, I am going to commit myself to get skinny till my wedding (and keep it off till I die! hahaha). 

So wish me luck, and obviously, I will blogging all about it along the way.. the good, the bad, the ugly. 

But for now, read this awesome article on 6 foods that will keep you skinny - you will be surprised what foods are in there!!! 

XOXOX-
ANDREA

FREEEE DONUT DAY AT DUNKKKKINNN!!!!

Ok so yes.... this is the day we have ALLLL BEEEEN WAITING FOR! Freaking FREE DONUT DAY AT DUNKIN DONUTS!!!! :)

Contrary to what my blog might say, and what my cousin Sam might say, GET OUT AND GET YOUR DAMN DONUT. No matter what size you are, big, small, skinny, chubby, WHO CARES, if it's FREE you better be putting it in your mouttttthhhhh!!! (that's what she said.) 

Anyways, thanks to Sarah for pointing this out, and telling us that she got it "to give it away" but then ate it (you knew you were going to do that!!!) Now I can tell the WORLD (or all 20 of you that might read my blog) THAT IT'S FREE DONUT DAY! FAT KIDS UNITE!!!!

Ok enough, no more donuts after Sunday.... better hurry home and get me a chocolate frosted donut! :) 

XOXOXO- 

Free donut kid OUT!

PS. Don't let this be you today. YOU should not be ashamed for eating a free DONUT today...

We're about to get deep..... (that's what she said?)

Before I start this post, I want to say that these are my opinions and my opinions only... I never want to offend anyone in this blog, so please, no one take offense.

That being said... I have this friend... hahaha.. she's BEAUTIFUL and I love her to death... but, she just doesn't get it. We will go out to a bar and she will get so much attention from guys - and yeah, I have a boyfriend so I'm not looking for that attention, but sometimes it would be nice. When I make a comment about it, or she asks if I'm having fun, my response is always like, "meh, it's ok".. because she's the one getting the attention and I'm just sitting in the dust. Now, normally I don't care, but recently after about 10 years of this being the case, I'm over it. Not only am I over the fact that no one will approach you if you don't look like a twig, but I'm over her response of, "oh stop, you aren't ugly" or "oh stop, we're having a good time and it doesn't matter what you look like, you're beautiful". F-THAT. It does matter... and I'm sorry, but skinny people, you just don't get it.

I understand that everyone has their issues, and just because you are skinny, that doesn't mean you don't have them. I get it, I know you do. But have you ever felt like you weren't being talked to in a bar, or in a social setting because you were too big, or you weren't attractive enough? Doubtful. Have you ever felt like yeah, you might be an amazing with lots of friends who can light up the room with your personality, but you know, at the end of the night, that guy you may have been eyeing all night long won't ask for your number? Doubtful. Skinny/attractive people don't get it. They don't understand what it's like to be harassed your whole life for being the fat kid, they don't get why girls that might be overweight look upset at a bar or are less eager to go out..... They don't get that if you are the one getting all the attention at the bar, that even though you think you are amazing on the inside, you still care what you look like on the outside.

I hate to say it, but guys are shallow. And I don't know if its society that has made them that way, but I am seriously a sucker for movies, or in real life, when I see a larger girl with a slim, attractive man. That man, he doesn't care what the girl looks like on the outside, that man loves her for who she is. And unfortunately, there aren't a lot of guys like that out there.

Being, big, large, fat, (anyway you want to say it) isn't a curse. We are beautiful that is for sure, and we can certainly be happy with who we are... but deep down I think a lot of us just scream to be skinny... to get that extra attention, to be able to feel, just for one day, what it's like to walk in a skinny girls shoes. I know I certainly would. I know I would love to know what it feels like to be hit on at a bar because I'm looking good in my skinny jeans and boyfriend blazer. So hopefully, one day, I will be able to do just that.

My last question to you is... if you are skinny, do you ever think to yourself, man I wish I was bigger?

But for now, this song just replays on my iTunes, and I think, big girls, you are beautiful too!